"The art of dwelling"
11/10/2024
It's been nearly a year since that regretevator incident happened to me. I know things have sorted out, and I am on good terms with the main guy, but I wish they had handled it more professionally. It tells you a lot about how some people will never accept the concept of changing and growing up. Either purity culture has killed off that concept, or the people I was with back in 2019 have really deteriorated my mentality to the point of no recovery. Most likely, it is the former because most people I interact with see me in a good light, and they claim I'm a great person. But I still feel I am pushing my positivity and enthusiasm to mask my old self. Every time people bring up that old document made against me by the people I was with, I feel a sense of hopelessness that no matter how hard I try to be a good person, People will say that I am a horrible being and that I deserve no form of credibility and praise. The Dream World community hated me despite trying my best to change; the tf2 Source Modding community blamed me for the shutdown incident so that I could get blacklisted from their works. I feel insecure that all of my friends have a grudge against me because of my confusion about the internet world and the things I have done to praise someone that meant a lot to me. Maybe I am a horrible person who hasn't changed since.
